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<<This is My letter of how The end was; ----------------------------------------- Rasmus last week with us was a good week. Many Walks in the wood, sunny days and lots of swimming in his very own swimmingpool at home.----The weekly infusion at the hospital went smothly and quickly, there were lots of laughter and joyful moments both at home and in school, with that "something in the air" -feeling you get when Summerholiday is only a week away.----Rasmus was happy and alert and the good moments were many, this week. ------- When Rasmus woke up that saturday morning, he wanted to go straight into the swimmingpool. We went into the warm water and both Kajsa, Lovis and Miriam kept us company, chatting from the poolside. ---------- We had a reallly long swim, the big glassdoors were open and warm summerwinds swept in over us. One of My best friends came to visit, but as Rasmus wanted to stay in the water she made herself comfortable at the poolside and chatted with us from there. - When we got up Rasmus was strong and alert, helping out the best he could to get in the wheelchair and into the shower. I made my usual jokes with him in the shower (one does what one can to make it ok to have mummy helping you out in the shower). ------------------- Then suddenly he stopped breathing, this has happende before, and we all know what to do. His sisters were there within seconds and helped me with his breathing machine and medicine. He came round quickly and started to breathe again, so we helped him get into his wheelchair and moved out into the sunny garden for some fresh air. --------- But this time he did not have the strength to take the fight the whole way, but died from us later that afternoon. ------- This is a day that Ive been dreading for so long, it has allways filled me with fear, I know my child is going to die, when will it happen, where and how, will I be there.....!?! And when it came, it was so peaceful, no violent fear, no scary fight, no pain or panic. ----------- Rasmus was in the garden, with all of us around, the sun warming his face and he was sourronded by the sound of our voices and of birds singing and the smells of summer. --------------- We did not notice when he passed on, it looked as if he was sleeping, and as he had his breathing machine on, it looked as if he continued to breathe. When a couple of hours had passed, I thought it felt different somehow, and I called the hospital for advice. An ambulance came and they told us that there was nothing more we could do, Rasmus heart was no longer pounding. -------- We kept Rasmus with us until dusk, and we lifted him from his chair ourselves when we decided it was time to let go. He was soft and warm and wearing his own clothes, and we could all hold his hand, hugh him and say goodbye without it beeing scary.I feel so grateful for this peaceful end, but how I wish I could have had him with us longer, that we could have been given more time together. >>

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